Friday, February 13, 2009
Ladies, don't trip and fall in the woods...
Happy friday the 13th ladies. Here's some advice to survive what is a notoriously dangerous day for young attractive women of loose morals who spend their summers at campgrounds:
#1 Always wear shoes you can run in. Though I did appreciate the evasive talents of the naked gal wearing ridiculously tall platform shoes in the My Bloody Valentine remake, it's best to stick with hiking boots or jogging shoes when you are running for your life.
#2 Never take your bikini top off in a lake...
#3 Never swim out to one of those floating platforms in a lake.
#4 Never perform #3 and follow it up with #2...you are dead for sure if you do.
#5 Never leave your clothes on a bush and then go skinny dipping. Someone is going to steal your clothes...and that someone is either the unattractive pervert guy in your gang of friends or a serial killer...or possibly both. Either way, your wet and naked and usually that means someone is about to chase you and imbed an ax in your head. Because if there is one thing psycho killers love more than killing girls, its killing naked wet girls.
#6 If you have managed to escape the campground alive, assume that ANYONE that stops to help you on the road is either: the mother of the psycho killer, a sheriff who wants to kill you to keep the story of the psycho killer out of the press, or the psycho killer himself in a snazzy new sheriff outfit.
Best wishes and happy camping...