be careful out there. it's a dangerous time.
it's easy to fall into sinful, gluttonous habits, and you never know when John Doe is behind you.
gypsy curses are not covered by your new health insurance plan, so don't count on a magical purge after you over-indulge
and when you start to feel that bloated, crampy feeling, let's hope it's not this
but don't reach for the Alka Seltzer either: "... Almost immediately, she doubled up with severe stomach pain, the gas from the fizz having apparently stretched the stomach to its breaking point. Within 14 hours, the woman died. The case study, reported in the December 1941 Annals of Surgery, is accompanied by a detailed half-page illustration of her stomach, replete with a gaping five-inch-long rupture, that is enough to put anyone off his supper. Well, almost anyone." salon.com
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Pathological Hyperphagia
HorrorHound Weekend Cincinnati (Nov. 20-22) report
Hey kids,
I gotta say, this year has been one of the most bizarre in terms of being absent for numerous key events in the Midwest horror calendar. Most, if not all, of the conflicts have come as a result of employment opportunities and let it never be said that I’m not grateful for the chance to work and receive financial remuneration. However, I am equally grateful that I was able to attend at least one full-fledged horror convention in the waning weeks of 2009, and that this past weekend in Cincinnati was as entertaining as I could have hoped.
Armed with decades of horror knowledge and a functioning minivan, Jon Kitley of Kitley’s Krypt has been spreading the horror gospel for years now – I feel truly blessed that there is always room in the passenger seat for this humble Fool. Having missed the excursions to both Cinema Wastelands, March’s HorrorHound in Indianapolis and October’s Flashback in our own backyard, I was revved up and rarin’ to go. (My beloved femalien was kind enough to send me off with her blessing, in spite of the fact that I had not even been back from my sojourn in West Virginia a full week yet.) Turntabling.net’s head honcho and intrepid musician/writer Joe Wallace filled out our trio and we hit the dusty five-hour trail toward the home of 5-Way Chili and Bengals fans.
We arrived, loaded in and set up, bidding hearty greetings to Aaron Crowell and Nathan Hanneman, HorrorHound’s two top dogs, as well as Matt Moore, who writes their exemplary Video Invasion column, and Horror Chick Extraordinaire Jessica Dwyer. As a rule, before the doors open to the public, the dealers wander around to catch up with long-absent friends (and to scope out the best finds before the rest of the masses shamble in). Longtime convention staple and makeup f/x legend Tom Savini stopped by to say hello (and to discuss the finer points of corn dogs), as did Family Ties dad and Tremors regular Michael Gross. Tom is currently working on his autobiography (along with a zillion other projects) and Michael reveled in his non-so-secret passion for the classic giant ant film, Them! A few aisles over, Dan Kiggins and Emil Hyde continued to spread the Landlord love while Jill Van Voorst at Lix showed off several sassy new t-shirt designs.
The guest list was composed of a fair mix of show veterans, such as Texas Chainsaw’s Gunnar Hansen and ’80s scream queen Linnea Quigley, with newcomers to the circuit. Quinn Lord, who plays the diminutive but lethal “Sam” in Trick ’r Treat, was affixing his 9-year-old scrawl to photos and posters with the flair of a pro while Near Dark’s Jenny Wright, making her first convention appearance, seemed a bit stunned by the wealth of people sporting bloody t-shirts who wanted to give her a long-overdue hug. Grindhouse’s Electra and Elise Avellan (aka the Crazy Babysitter Twins) continue to ride their 15 minutes of fame at $20 an autograph, though Rob Zombie’s Halloween starlet Scout Taylor-Compton seems to be showing signs of wear since we first saw her back at HorrorFind 2007. (Hint: Stop doing lousy remakes and sequels to lousy remakes, dear heart.)
The belle of the ball, however, was the one and only Mistress of the Dark, Elvira, who appeared (on different days) both as her curvaceous onscreen black-clad persona and the woman beneath the beehive, Cassandra Peterson. Also making a bit hit were Tom Atkins, Jason Lively, Jill Whitlow and Steve Marshall, all of whom seemed genuinely pleased as punch to be spreading the love for the new DVD release of Fred Dekker’s woefully neglected Night of the Creeps. Across the hall, the Troma and Toetag teams kept company with Courtney Gains and John Franklin (has it really been 25 years since Children of the Corn came out?), as well as Hollywood veterans Corbin Bernsen and Don Calfa. (Don also stopped by our table on Friday to spin tales of intrigue on the set of Warren Beatty’s Bugsy and laud Dr. Phibes director Robert Fuest.)
Our Horror Society/Chicago buddies Mitch, Brian, Jessica, Kirsten and Coye (as well as Southern-fried author and all-around horror guru Robert Freese) kept the weekend lively, both during the show and afterwards, sharing “Big Hugs” and “Turkey High Fives” (don’t ask) with unending enthusiasm. As anyone who has attended a show firsthand knows, it’s the time after the dealer room doors close, and since HorrorHound’s Editor-in-Chief Nathan had also chosen this weekend to wed his beloved Jessica, the party was on, on, on. Hula hooping, urinal partition disasters and one broken elevator bank ensued, along with the to-be-expected parade of Technicolor yawns.
Luckily, I avoided most of the mayhem, instead opting to spend quality time with two industry folk who are most likely not household names to the civilian quarter, nor I suspect to any but the most hardcore of fans. Writer/director J.D. Feigelson has been making the rounds this past year in anticipation of the long, long-awaited DVD release of the classic TV-movie Dark Night of the Scarecrow, and we were honored that he elected to join us for dinner on Saturday. It actually ended up being quite the hilarious adventure since, all day long, we had been hearing tales of the “finest BBQ in the world” served at a place that J.D. swore by, saying that he went there any time he was in Cincinnati. Well, we all pile into the Kitleymobile and head off, following JD’s directions, nearly drooling all over ourselves with hunger after a long day in the trenches… only to end by pulling into a darkened parking lot with the words “For Lease” emblazoned across the front of the vacant restaurant. We laughed heartily, dubbing this “The Night of the Dark BBQ,” then tore out in search of alternative edibles, finding them in the form of Jim Dandy’s BBQ (which unfortunately was playing host to Bad Bob’s Blue Band that night, thus quelling any opportunity for conversation). Happily, JD was kind enough to return to the hotel with us to hang out in the bar, holding court with stories of Hollywood legends that he had worked with. Without a doubt, those few hours will remain in my memory as some of my fondest convention memories. Thanks for making that happen, Dan.
After JD had finally excused himself to hit some well-deserved hay, I headed over to the hotel business office to check email (they had blocked Facebook and MySpace, which seems a little obnoxious in this day and age, but whatever). Well, I’m sitting there minding my own business when I hear a voice say, “You didn’t happen to see a boarding pass on that computer when you came in, did you?” I turned around and found myself face-to-smiling-face with Eileen Dietz, probably best known for her valiant (and uncredited) work standing in for Linda Blair in The Exorcist, performing several of the more, ahem, “mature” scenes (hello, crucifix scene), as well as the subliminal shots of the demon Pazuzu. Dietz also chillingly appeared as Linda Kasabian, member of the Manson Family, in the acclaimed TV-movie Helter Skelter. Apparently, the printer in the office had not been working, so she had gone to the front desk to retrieve her boarding pass, forgetting whether she had logged off the computer. Then, to my surprise, this woman who had been holding court all day long at her table, listening to people endlessly tell her “how The Exorcist had scared them to death, blah, blah, blah,” sat down at the other computer and we proceeded to chat about this and that for the next hour. What a treat! Eileen has several projects in the works, and I’ll tell you, I am now looking forward to them with great anticipation. So-called celebrities everywhere, let it never be forgotten that the personal touch, a brief (or in this case, not-so-brief) but genuine conversation is infinitely more profound and lasting than any number of paid-for autographed DVD covers. As a result of this weekend’s interactions, I will never forget JD and Eileen’s generosity of spirit and will be an unwavering supporter of their endeavors henceforth. My most heartfelt thanks to both of you.
While on the subject of personal touches, hats off to the good people at the Cincinnati IHOP and Bob Evans’ restaurants. I know, sounds weird, but every meal we had at these establishments was accompanied by the most attentive and accommodating service any of us had encountered in a long, long while. Seriously, waitstaff employees everywhere could take more than a few pages out of these kids’ books, and the food (at IHOP, I know!!!) was terrific. Whatever they’re doing, they need to bottle it and send it up Windy City way.
And with that, the 2009 horror convention circuit comes to an end, though there are still a couple more fright-tastic events on the Chicago horizon before The Year We Make Contact comes around the corner. Movieside will be hosting Terror in the Aisles 3 on Dec. 5, with screenings of The Blair Witch Project and Night of the Creeps, while Horror Society presents Holiday of Horrors a week later (Dec 12), featuring Christmas Evil (w/ director Lewis Jackson in person!), Silent Night, Deadly Night and more! So much to be thankful for! On that note…
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Wield those carving knives with accuracy and care, and we’ll see you soon!
Fool out.
FOOL'S VIEWS puts the bite on Robert Quarry
Denied his place in history as a true genre icon, Robert Quarry starred in numerous '70s exploitation features, including Dr. Phibes Rises Again, Sugar Hill, Madhouse and Rollercoaster. Here we profile probably his best-known pic, as well as a personal passion project of Quarry's which never got its due recognition.
Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)
Considering its low budget feel and camp qualities, writer/director Bob Kelljan’s little shocker has no right to work as well as it does. One of the first films to place a vampire in a modern setting, Quarry cuts an impressive cape-whirling figure as the titular count moonlighting as a hypnotist to seduce swinging chicks into his bloodsucking harem. While the film has not aged particularly well, the '70s attire and attitudes lend a kitschy charm, actually enhancing the viewing experience. The performances will win no acting awards, but manage to carry off the story ably enough, and despite minimal nudity, the film packs in enough sensuality (the females really like being bitten) to get the blood racing. Quarry operates out of a gothic castle outside Los Angeles, deftly mixing scenes of apartment track lighting and close encounters in the backs of vans with candlelit drawing room confrontations. 
Kelljan gets the most out of his few dollars, throwing a fair amount of blood and violence around with authority, yet sustains a well-grounded story and interesting characters. The script is intentionally funny at times, which cannot be said of many genre films from the period. The scene in which one of Quarry’s quarry eyeballs her cat as a source of nourishment is worth the price of admission alone, and the finale is satisfyingly exciting and bloody. Originally conceived as a full-out adult offering, the film was trimmed for general audiences and became a surprise hit, both stateside and abroad. Followed by a sequel, The Return of Count Yorga.
Deathmaster (1972)
Best described as “What if Charles Manson had been a vampire?”, Robert Quarry stars as Khorda, a mysterious figure who shows up at the local hippie commune and turns them on to a different groove. R.L. Grove's wannabe hip n’ groovy dialogue was probably already pretty ripe at the initial release, and time hasn’t been kind. But Quarry (who also served as executive producer) has screen presence to burn and his longhair fanged fiend is a welcome twist on the caped gentility that had been skulking about onscreen for years. 
On the flipside, John Fielder – yes, the voice of Piglet on Winnie the Pooh – is the least likely Van Helsing character you’re likely to find. (That's also Bobby "Boris" Pickett - he of "Monster Mash" novelty song fame - as one of the goofy hippies.) Throw in a little kung fu, some scantily clad babes, and Khorda’s big creepy drum-lovin’ familiar, and you’re in for some deliciously cheesy '70s programming. A reasonably rewarding curiosity piece, unfortunately released to little fanfare then buried by Sam Arkoff and AIP (but available on DVD thanks to Fred Olen Ray and Retromedia).
MAIL ORDER ZOMBIE: undead and on the air...
WildClaw's own Dr. AC ran into the good folks of Mail Order Zombie while down in Cincinnati this past weekend at the HorrorHound Weekend convention (more on that to follow). Yes, apparently those flesh-filleting rotters are not content with their presence in film, TV, literature and bowling alleys - now they've taken to the airwaves.
Mail Order Zombie is a weekly podcast show devoted to straight-to-DVD zombie movies as well as zombie movie music, post-apocalyptic literature (with or without zombies) and theatrical zombie movie releases and will soon be celebrating their 100th podcast episode. Episode 94 focuses on Jake West's (Evil Aliens, Razor Blade Smile) latest, Doghouse, while Episode 95 unearths the moldy 1987 VHS class-sick The Video Dead, doling out the Headshot ratings with deadly accuracy.
MoZ also features interviews with zombie movie personalities, Zombie Aptitude tests and more. Every week, Brother D, Miss Bren, Need-a-Nickname Scott and the gang bring the reviews and undead news you can use while MOZ Presents: The Munchies covers non-zombie genre topics and movies.
Visit these sloppy souls today at http://mailorderzombie.com/, or contact them directly at mailorderzombie@gmail.com (email) (206) 202-2505 (voicemail). Tell 'em the 'Claws sent ya!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Portable Grindhouse: The Lost Art of the VHS Box
Coming soon from Fantagraphics:
Hearken back to those thrilling days of yesteryear when the advent of rental videos astonished the movie-going consumer who could only feed his addiction by going to the theater or watching chopped up movies in between commercials on TV. Like vinyl, here is the revenge of another analog cast-off: the VHS is once again insinuating itself into American culture, and this book celebrates the anarchic design art of those early VHS boxes.
Portable Grindhouse: The Lost Art of the VHS Box is a feast for exploitation cognoscenti, reprinting some of the most louche, decadent, minimo-pervo artwork to ever grace a VHS box, featuring such movies as From Beyond, Penitentiary II, Beast of the Yellow Night, Cop Killers, Bay of Blood, Escape from Death Row, and Cocaine Wars. Readers will be agog at the plethora of supertrash movie titles, and then move on to rediscover the anarchic box designs. Throughout, editor and cultural historian Jacques Boyreau succinctly narrates the household-piercing story of VHS: “On par with the jukebox, disco, and neon, VHS reformatted the world’s product-intake and boosted a libertarian aesthetic that conquered TV in the same way TV conquered comic books in the 1950s, and allowed us to hold movies in our hands. Posters in the lobby could advertise, even fetishize a movie; credit sequences could identify the participants, but somehow, VHS box-art ‘became’ the iconic equivalent of the movie.”
Portable Grindhouse is published in a VHS “format,” slyly packaged inside a facsimile VHS box, and contains almost a hundred reproductions of VHS art with commentary.
200-page full-color 5.5" x 9.25" softcover with slipcase
ISBN: 978-1-56097-969-2
In stock: November 2009 (subject to change)
In stores: December 2009 (subject to change)
For a cool little sneak peek video, click HERE
