Apparently I am a Time Traveling Naval Cyborg

who once won a medal of honor for beating up Mexicans, and am now equipped with a High-Energy Laser capable of beating up an unmanned tug boat.

(This clip is filmed from the deck of the USS Paul Foster):

Not very Schwarzenegger.  Not even very Glau.  But still kind of creepy that I've been leading this double life without my own knowledge.